Audi RS4: The truth about it

Another great review of the Audi RS4, which is easy, because it's a fantastic car.

Buy a Toyota Prius and you get a backup camera, keyless ignition, iPod integration and travel over 50 miles for every gallon of gas poured therein. Buy an Audi RS4 and you don't even get self-dimming mirrors, and you can only drive 11 miles per gallon of dead dinos (EPA notwithstanding). The Prius will set you back $25k. The RS4 costs three Prii. At freeway speeds, the Toyota is a near silent and comfortable cruiser, whereas the Audi sounds and feels like a volcano making love to an avalanche. I only tell you this because the moment I saw the RS4 a Toyota angel appeared on my left shoulder and an Audi demon manifested itself on my right. And then I drove the RS4 and the demon kicked the snot out of the angel.

I have a turgid, secret back road I use to evaluate the handling prowess of my testers. Until this week, Porsche's Boxster was the champ. I could whip it through the turns at 70mph. For comparison's sake, the nearly-as-nifty handling Miata could "only" do the twists at about 60mph. The RS4 dominated the two-mile stretch at 100mph, and if I wasn't so ham-fisted it could have gone faster. Much faster.

There aren't enough superlatives (or space) to properly describe the vulgar joy of driving an RS4. For instance, I haven't even mentioned that the brakes are stolen from Lamborghini's Gallardo. Nor did I tell you that while normally quite brave and stupid, I was too frightened to turn off the handling nanny. In short, if you have the means, the RS4 is your end. Right. Now excuse me. I've got some sinning to do before the Audi man comes and it's time to repent.